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Why do I have problems communicating with my partner?

communication disc method emotional intelligence relationships

Building a strong and fulfilling relationship requires effective communication as its foundation. However, many of us encounter hurdles when trying to communicate with our partners. And then we ask ourselves: WHY is it so hard to communicate with my loved one?

Understanding Pace  

One of the primary reasons for communication difficulties lies in the differences in our individual paces and priorities. We all have unique communication styles, influenced by our outgoing or reserved nature. Some of us thrive on swift resolutions and lively conversations, while others prefer taking their time to ponder and carefully convey their thoughts. Think about it: are you and your partner outgoing or reserved people because that dictates the speed at which you communicate

Additionally, our orientation towards people or tasks plays a role. Those who are people-oriented draw energy from interpersonal connections, while task-oriented individuals find fulfillment in accomplishing objectives. These distinctions can lead to misalignment and misunderstandings between partners.

The Impact of Priorities

Another crucial aspect that affects communication is the difference in our priorities. Task-oriented people place great value on achievements, order, and organization, whereas people-oriented individuals emphasize empathy, relationships, and emotional connections. 

You can notice this when going on a vacation. People-oriented person in your relationship will cherish quality time and emotional bonding and will look to spend quality time with a partner. On the other hand, a task-oriented person might meticulously structure each activity, prioritizing the completion of tasks. They have a schedule and places to be, and if they don’t manage to do it, they will feel like the vacation has failed. These contrasting priorities can result in frustrations and obstruct effective communication.

Expressing Love

A significant stumbling block to effective communication in relationships lies in how we express love to one another. Each person has their own unique way of feeling loved, often referred to as a "love language." The renowned book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman offers invaluable insights into identifying and conveying love in a manner that resonates with our partners, and I highly recommend you give it a go. 

You need to know that what you see as a love language, might not be your partner’s love language. Some people see love as quality time spent together, some see love through gift-giving, some through words of affirmation, etc. 

It's crucial to recognize that our expressions of love may not align perfectly with our partner's love language. This misalignment can create emotional distance and hinder effective communication. 


Challenges in communication are common within relationships, but you can overcome them with understanding and effort. 

Think about your traits and your partner’s traits, and put in some effort. Read “"The 5 Love Languages", or “Rapport Advantage”, take a DISC Assessment… Relationships require work, and that’s a fact of life. The moment you put some work into it, your miscommunication will become a thing of the past.

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